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deeplymeaninglessWho: Ryuutaro and Hayato - the none-jailbait versions
Where: The Manor and then WONDERLAND. Seriously. Well, no.
When: does this actually matter this is my own journal
What: It's been forever and suddenly old lovers are reunited. Familiar strangers and such
Warnings: tissues may be needed. and a dentist for potential fluff cavities. but also tissues.
He'd changed since he last walked through these halls. Seven years were a long time. The boy had turned to an adult. His hair changed, his body changed, his demeanor changed. He shook his head slowly.
'I can't believe I had forgotten all of this' he thought as the memories fulfilled him. Every bit of this building was linked with past events for him. Ryuutaro rarely got attached to memories, as his passion layed in the future, but this house was an exception.
Slowly, almost a bit warily he stepped out of the room and downstairs. It was completely silent. How long might it have been at this place? Two days? 50 years? There wasn't much of a way to tell.
Ryuutaro wasn't upset at being back. He was always travelling, being back here just meant another change of location. But what he felt was a wave of melancholy and nostalgia.
Seven years.
Seven years without remembering what shaped him most, who he had loved the most.
It was a sad and lonely feeling.
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Date: 2012-12-18 11:26 pm (UTC)After setting his cigarette in the ash tray he absentmindedly started playing, paying no mind to who could hear. The piano was something he could do almost without thinking. It would give him some time to figure out where his head was with all this.
He doubted the Vongola was here. He doubted anyone he knew was still here. Maybe that was for the best... he had so many people that he had gotten close to here... coming here now... after all these years? Who knew how long it had bee here? He had made a very specific effort not to look at the nameplates on the doors. What if he had left Ryuutaro alone here... for months? Or even years? Only to come back twenty-five... no, with the years he forgot about at the manor he would be almost thirty now. He knew he would have to face it all sooner or later, he just needed to prepare himself first.
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Date: 2012-12-19 08:13 am (UTC)Even so... What age would await him? How long had it been? How long? Ryuutaro hadn't felt nervousness about anything in months, but now he felt his heartbeat pick up pace a bit. He was scared of who he'd see once he reached the music room.
Just in front of the door he stopped again, closing his eyes briefly. He didn't know what he hoped for. How strange it would be to meet Hayato as he knew him again. It had been seven years. He was 21 (well 22 or 23 counting the Manor in, he mused), he'd be older than him. It would feel so wrong to them both. Or maybe he'd spent a long time at the Manor without him by now... Ryuutaro didn't want that. But at the same time Ryuutaro also didn't want to meet a truly older Hayato, who lived a life without him. Which was selfish, he supposed, but he never prided himself on being the most gentle person around. With the Author involved any of these options were possible at least.
He stopped in his thoughts, because he felt that the longer he kept thinking them, the harder it would be to just step inside the room.
It was like a dejá-vù when he slowly tip-toed in to stand a few meters behind the piano. How often had he done that. How many different Hayato's had he seen play this way.
He could see familiar silver hair and his heart picked up pace even more. But he didn't dare to look for much longer, to figure out how much time had passed. Instead he quietly stood and listened until the song ended.
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Date: 2012-12-19 10:02 pm (UTC)"Teso-" He cringed, Ryuutaro was older. Much older, there was a change he wasn't his 'Tesoro' anymore. He could have found someone else or even... just be furious at him for leaving. "Ryuutaro... it's been a while."
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Date: 2012-12-19 10:31 pm (UTC)He nodded slowly, taking the moment to take a deep breath. As he looked up again he was smiling softly.
"Quite. For you as well, I see."
What was he supposed to say in this situation? Was there any ettiquette on how to treat your boyfriend after 7 years? Though all things considered, Gokudera was not his boyfriend anymore. They'd changed, time passed, anything could have happened. Their bonds were long faded. Ryuutaro thought it with bitterness and a bit of fear. Regardless, he was grateful that he got a chance to remember and even see Hayato again.
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Date: 2012-12-20 02:34 am (UTC)He swallowed a lump forming in his throat and forced a smile. He didn't know what stung more, having to live for so long without that love, or still having the same feelings for one who may very well have moved on.
"Ryuutaro I..." He paused and looked down at his lap for a moment, he wanted to apologize. He hadn't meant to leave him. He never wanted to be separated from his side, but it was an apology he couldn't quite muster just yet, "It's good to see you again. You look well."
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Date: 2012-12-20 09:40 pm (UTC)The question was burning on Ryuutaro's tongue, but the more he thought about it the more he felt like it didn't matter at all. Whether it had been 5 or 10 for 15 wasn't that important. Those years were still there, the number didn't change that fact.
"So do you." Ryuutaro finally managed to make his legs move, so he stepped next to Hayato. "I am glad our ways were brought together by fate again."
No matter how much older he was, this 'fatefatefate' speech pattern would always remain.
"So much has happened since we last saw each other..." It was almost a sigh. Now that he was aware of his time at the Manor, it seemed horrible to have lived through all these events without any real thought of Hayato.
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Date: 2013-01-07 06:34 pm (UTC)The smile wavered for a moment at Ryuutaro's last comment, as the current state of affairs of the Vongola was brought to the forefront of his thoughts. But he wouldn't say anything about it. Not now. He couldn't. He was having a hard enough time not just flinging his arms around Ryuutaro and holding him, just like he used to- he didn't think he'd be able to keep himself together with a heavy topic like that.
"It really has..." That was as much as he'd go into it now, "You're still just as beautiful as I remember though."
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Date: 2013-01-08 10:46 am (UTC)Ryuutaro smiled, obviously very pleased. "You flatter me. I have to return the compliment however, you look very good as well."
It sounded almost awkward to his own ears, but he managed to say it without any hesitation or unnaturality. Pretty good, considering he hadn't spoken even vaguely flirtratious words for years.
His eyes wandered over the room.
"How long have you been back here?"
It was easier than asking how long he'd been gone, for sure.
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Date: 2013-01-10 07:19 pm (UTC)"Just long enough to find the piano, really. How about you?"
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Date: 2013-01-10 07:33 pm (UTC)That was just typical for the Author, really.
"It looks like we've been deliberately set up for a reunion."
But this time Ryuutaro really, really appreciate her cliché, romantic way of thinking. It was nice to know that they both had been spared from spending time here alone. With their memories, but without each other. That'd have been cruel.
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Date: 2013-01-11 12:22 am (UTC)"Must be fate, eh Tesoro?" He paused at the little nickname slip, and looked off to the side, his face heating up. That was probably inappropriate, Ryuutaro might have someone else in his life now. It had obviously been long enough, and with no memories either... Ryuutaro might not be his treasure anymore. Hayato laughed awkwardly, not making eye contact, but still trying to make up for his blunder, "S-sorry... I... it's an old habit I guess..."
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Date: 2013-01-11 08:43 am (UTC)"An old habit that lasted very long it seems."
And he couldn't say he wasn't satisfied. After all of these years, all of these years without him, Hayato would still easily refer to him in such a way. Despite their forced separation, he'd made that deep of an impact on the other man. Ryuutaro's heartbeat sped up a bit. This was awkward, difficult and not the kind of situation anybody could give you advice for, but.
"I do not mind it, however. Do you?"
It might be unclear what their relation one... it might be foolish to just assume they could go on where they left off, now that they were diffeerent people... But still despite all that, Ryuutaro was willing to give it a try. He might regret it, but he would definitely regret just ignoring this now. 'Must be fate, eh?' Ryuutaro had to agree. Of course, it had been fate all along.
So now the next question was, in what kind of situation it'd put Hayato. He had complimented him earlier and seemed happy to see him, but that was no clear indicator on what his current situation was. Especially not since this was an overemotional and therefore irrational moment. Ryuutaro felt a bit of hypothetical jealousy arise, but he quickly tried to shake it off again.
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Date: 2013-01-13 02:35 am (UTC)"I don't mind at all, I was just worried... that there might be someone else." He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture he still held from his younger days, "Since it's... really been a long time."
Too long. He had only been reunited mere moments ago, but already, despite everything he had been going through back home, Ryuutaro had gotten him to smile and laugh again. He had a reason to be happy... he had almost given up hope on finding a reason for that again...
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Date: 2013-01-14 09:23 pm (UTC)Hayato's relief made Ryuutaro relax as well. Maybe it was stupid to feel possessive of someone who you hadn't actually been dating since your teen years, but Ryuutaro was still pretty happy that apparently they were still kind of together, it appeared. They say that the first love never quite disappears. If that was true then Ryuutaro was fine with it, supposedly.
"Though I the worry is realistic, I suppose." With that he tilted his head, looking at Hayato. It didn't seem like he was or had been taken, but it would be much better to directly hear it.
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Date: 2013-01-27 01:55 am (UTC)"Ah, don't worry, I'm not taken either. I uh... well, I guess back home I don't really attract the best types..."
Now that he thought about it, he always gravitated to what he knew. Violence and being used. Ryuutaro had really been the only person who cared for him... the only person to say he loved him and never hurt him. It wasn't fair.
Why did he have to lose someone so important for so long?
...I still don't have any icons again oh right damn
Date: 2013-02-09 07:26 pm (UTC)But with how Hayato's life tended to go, he couldn't help but wonder what sort of bad experiences hid behind this statement. He probably didn't actually want to know.
For a moment there was silence again. They had both been 'worried'. Hayato had actually flirted with him just earlier. But it still felt awkward saying anything specific at all. Anything at all.
And Ryuutaro thought he was definitely better than this horrible dancing around topics. They hadn't seen each other for years. Now it was time for all or nothing.
Ryuutaro sounded calm, secure and friendly just like always, even though he didn't feel quite as sure of himself as he would have liked to.
"So if that is the case, then how would you feel about going out with me today? Although to 'go out' is not exactly possible if the Manor has not expanded again."
It was probably ridiculous to ask about getting back together when they were different people, almost strangers to one another. But one date was possible. Ryuutaro realized that this was the first time he had ever actively pursued someone quite like this. There was a first time for everything supposedly and in this case it really was time.
Well, to be fair I won't for much longer either, may make a new journal for TYL dera for this |D
Date: 2013-02-09 08:09 pm (UTC)"I'd love to. And even if it hasn't we could just grab something to eat from the kitchen and sit somewhere outside."
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Date: 2013-02-09 08:43 pm (UTC)"As long as you do not touch anything while we are inside the kitchen, that does sound lovely."
Maybe he'd learned cooking in these years. Maybe. Ryuutaro wouldn't wait until he found out.
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Date: 2013-02-10 12:13 am (UTC)"I won't, I've been effectively banned from enough of them to get it."
He followed Ryuutaro obediently into the kitchen, sitting down at one of the chairs and accepting his utter uselessness in food preparation.
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Date: 2013-02-10 12:30 am (UTC)"I do not have a chance to use anything like a kitchen very often, but I suspect that I am less likely to make anything catch fire."
He smiled and got to looking around the kitchen to make some plans on what would be nice and quick to make and take outside.
"Nothing has even changed here..."
NOW IN THE RIGHT PLACE
Date: 2013-02-10 01:13 am (UTC)While Ryuutaro was busy looking around the room, Hayato snuck an orange from the fruit bowl and slipped it into his pocket. He'd figure it would make for a nice little gesture. This was the room the two of them had first kissed after all. He got up from his seat and slipped his arm around the small of Ryuutaro's back, pulling him close.
"Hey, Tesoro, what do you say we have a little snack first?"
And he took the orange from his pocket and gave it a toss in his hand.
HOORAY!
Date: 2013-02-10 01:32 am (UTC)He laughed lightly as he looked at the fruit and recalled all the memories connected to it. "A truly appropriate idea. It'd be a pleasure."
Just being like this Ryuutaro was really happy. Maybe the happiest he'd been in some time. That was the only bitter note in it - the time in between, the years in which he didn't know about this kitchen, its meaning, the boy... the man behind him.
Sorry this took! Had to make a new journal... couldn't think of a name for it...
Date: 2013-03-05 08:36 pm (UTC)He pressed a kiss to Ryuutaro’s neck before moving his head next to Ryuutaro’s from behind. With practiced ease he peeled the orange and offered half to Ryuutaro, taking the other half for himself. He didn’t say anything, but gave his old… well, rekindled flame a smile.
As you can see, I am very good at the late thing as well, so we're totally even
Date: 2013-03-18 12:55 pm (UTC)He slowly took a bite of the orange, savouring the taste that meant so much to him by now. A serene smile wandered over his lips, before he slowly turned around a little bit to put those lips to much better use.
His kiss was likely kind of awkward, slow and innocent as it was, but who could blame him? He was way out of practise. But still, at least better than completely missing, right?
Late errywhere |D
Date: 2013-04-15 07:24 pm (UTC)He pushed the thoughts away as they parted. He’d whisk Ryuutaro off his feet later. For now, he liked how things felt. He gave Ryuutaro a brief peck on the nose, then laughed.
“And our noses are completely unscathed this time.”
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Date: 2013-05-01 09:12 pm (UTC)To get such an important event wrong was just embarrassing, though back then Ryuutaro wasn't emotionally capable of minding too much. This Ryuutaro smiled and raised a hand to brush his fingers through Hayato's hair.
"Though it would be a bit disconcerting if we were still making the same mistakes after so much time."